Update from ground zero.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
03/12/2020 at 20:02 • Filed to: None

We’re inching closer and closer towards mass hysteria here in Washington state.

The conspiracy theories — and outright tasteless, misanthropic assumptions — that I’m hearing in real life from allegedly intelligent humans is starting to make me feel very down on my species. I won’t repeat any examples, I’m sure you’ve heard a few yourself. Although the one I heard Monday would make your put your fist through your monitor instantly.

My work is still open and I’m expected to work, so I do. I don’t have enough groceries to be locked in my own home for months, so I don’t bother. There isn’t hand sanitizer at every doorknob, so I touch the doorknob.

I’m just living my life.

When people are dying and the economy is inploding , people buy toilet paper. I buy beer.

DISCUSSION (58)

lone_liberal > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:12

You have chosen wisely.

The latest wacko thing I’ve heard is that it was Chinese bio-weapon that escaped and backfired on them. That’s from one of my wife’s co-workers. You want real nutjob thinking? Come on over to the east side of the mountains. Unfortunately I have to venture to Costco this weekend to get our normal, boring old groceries. I feel like my name has been selected as tribute and I don’t even know how to use a bow.

WRXforScience > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:13

The youths are calling this: “the boomer remover.”

We’ll see if they start cancelling school here in Texas. Most of the kids go on crazy spring break vacations (rich district) and the parents will all freak out when they get back and start buying into all the hype. We don’t have any provisions in place for shutting down, maybe we’ll get another week or two off after coming back from spring break (the kids will avoid school in droves with the free excuse anyway).

They might even cancel Prom! I don’t remember when Prom is, but it should be soon. Maybe we’ll all gather in the auditorium for an assembly about how we aren’t supposed to have large gatherings anymore.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:13

Agent Kay describes this situation pretty well: “A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it.”

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > TheTurbochargedSquirrel
03/12/2020 at 20:15

Sheep are much the same way...

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > lone_liberal
03/12/2020 at 20:21

I don’t know what’s worse:

- we’re all going to die crowd

- the Chinese conspiracy against Trump crowd

- the US government conspiracy crowd

- the people who don’t care about people or world events until something affects MaH PeRtFeRLiErrr

- the "Earthers" who think old people dying is a good thing

rockingthe2 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:21

Now I wanna hear the one you heard on Monday

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > rockingthe2
03/12/2020 at 20:22

It is actually so awful and bad that I would never ever, ever, ever even type out the thought. I think it's among the worst things I've ever heard in my life.

Svend > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:23

Wash your hands, use alcohol based hand sanitiser when out and about, don’t touch common public surfaces or even your face for that matter, avoid busy public areas, etc...

Bilateral interstitial pneumonia isn’t fun so keep up energy, eat plenty of citrus fruits, probiotic yogurts, drink plenty of water and fruit juices, white meat protein, etc...

Get stocked up with painkillers with anti inflammatories such as ibuprofen.

Keep a stock of toilet roll for if you can’t get out for any extended period of time.

Svend > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:30

Oh man, now I want to know. Tease.

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:30

My cousin took this pic at Federal Way Costco this morning:

Kinja'd!!!

Old co-worker texted me today, confirmed case in the building, one floor below mine. Funny!

It’s all a liberal conspiracy, it’s that simple.

Just Jeepin' > Svend
03/12/2020 at 20:31

You forgot the most important rule:

Don’t die.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:32

I am not altering my life one bit, at least, not yet.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > fintail
03/12/2020 at 20:33

My solution to Costco is to not shop and Costco. Every two months I get a 50-lb bag of dog food and a slice of pepperoni.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:34

We’ll get through this.

Kinja'd!!!

Svend > Just Jeepin'
03/12/2020 at 20:34

Ye’, there is that.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
03/12/2020 at 20:37

I’m not changing what I do in the day-to-day , but I’m sadly distancing myself from at-risk people I don’t want to die, as one of my coworkers is out and potentially positive. I told my parents I can’t visit them (they are old) , w e ’ve not been visiting my sister in law and her family as she has respiratory issues. I don't like it

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two
03/12/2020 at 20:38

That's some 1-800-FUX-U-UP beer right there

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:38

I visit at roughly the same frequency, usually not bad as I’ll go when they open. Looks like that strategy might be invalid now.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > fintail
03/12/2020 at 20:41

It’s just funny to me.

“We need to stock up but I don’t want to spend a lot of money or visit multiple stores and you know a rotisserie chicken sounds like a good dinner for tonight so let's go to Costco and maybe McDonald's afterwards..."

Aremmes > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:42

Shit hit the fan in Philly today. Apparently half of all PA cases are here . My son is right giddy over the prospect of a two-week school break. I’m not so giddy about working from home during that time, though.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:45

Kinja'd!!!

We are all sorted fo r hand sanitizer...

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:48

Uh yeah. That’s the point. It's been a long week.

AestheticsInMotion > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:52

I just want to somehow get a paid vacation out of all this. Is that really so much to ask

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:52

My 85 year old grandma was supposed to fly in..but given the status of things, that’s not happening.

I have a friends wedding soon, should be interesting how that is affected (mid april)

gettingoldercarguy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 20:59

My wife had a patient today that in the middle of the visit stated they worked next to three people tested positive and was told to self quarantine. Which is why they went to a non essential doctor's appointment.

punkgoose17 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:01

We are mailing our friend in Japan toilet paper and hand sanitizer. They are not aloud to leave their houses and there is supposed to be a shortage soon.

vondon302 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:02

Kinja'd!!!

Cheers! This week has been like a slow motion 9/11

BaconSandwich is tasty. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:04

Poop is about to hit the fan here in Alberta. Pretty much everything is cancelled, and we’re due for a good dump of snow tomorrow. I’m planning on working from home tomorrow, but I will need to go into the office next week some time to make sure my pepper plants aren’t dead. I’ve got a dozen or so bird’s eye chili peppers growing in the windows at work.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
03/12/2020 at 21:06

Hand sanitizer or liver sanitizer?

BaconSandwich is tasty. > gettingoldercarguy
03/12/2020 at 21:06

Ugh. I can’t comprehend the lack of common sense of most of the populace.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:07

Now I want to know too. Can we at least get a hint?

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:11

We had a project demonstration due this friday, that got canceled, but a greatly reduced one now next week. And despite it being a shitshow with parts not showing up and not working, the only thing my director cared about was hourly calls with his investment guy.

he keeps going on how this is no big deal, everyone is going to look stupid,. One of the younger guys in the offfice was like “yeah but what is the policy if it gets worse?” and by the scowl, you would have thought he had read off the communist manifesto.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > rockingthe2
03/12/2020 at 21:18

The one I heard was it’s an Obama conspiracy with the Chinese. Like WTF.

camarov6rs > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:21

I imagine my dad like you. He’d buy a pack of Irish Death instead of toilet paper.

I gave him a text this morning because I saw that the county my home town is in has a confirmed case. Being that my dad is a little older and immune deficient I was just checking in. He told me the person who had the virus died and was from my hometown, brings it home a bit (pardon the phrase).

Tripper > TheTurbochargedSquirrel
03/12/2020 at 21:24

Been thinking this for days!!!

Tripper > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:26

Straight up, had two when we went out for sushi and was not speaking properly afterward.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
03/12/2020 at 21:27

See that's just funny. Not cynical enough.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Tripper
03/12/2020 at 21:29

You gotta go Sapporo with sushi. Sushi does not absorb alcohol for diddly -- when compared to eating an entire pizza alone

fhrblig > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:35

I can only imagine.

Meanwhile, there’s a good chance I’ll be sitting at home soon. I deliver supplies for orthopedic surgeries, and it seems like it’s just a matter of time before all the hospitals put a moratorium on elective procedures. I’ll still be paid, but I hope it won’t be for long.

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:53

Thankfully I found TP at Aldi, because we were almost out and Target was picked clean.

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:54

You have good taste.

TrickJos > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:55

I bought beer and wine. Seemed like the logical response.

SmugAardvark > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 21:55

Since my tickets to the hockey game on the 21st are no longer valid, I’ve decided to take the short trip to SF to drink up at a few of the (presumably empty) breweries instead. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s certainly better than sitting at home feeling sad about not watching my Bruins wreck the Sharks.

functionoverfashion > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 22:00

I don’t get the toilet paper hoarding thing. I can think of some ways to live without toilet paper. Food on the other hand, less so. Also true of beer.

DipodomysDeserti > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 22:08

Right there with you.

wafflesnfalafel > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 22:10

I walked down to Trader Joe’ s yesterday and got some Woodinville Whiskey straight Bourbon. I told the the checkout lady I needed some liquor to drink instead of wash my hands with... I don’t think she got the joke.

SiennaMan > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 22:32

I'm truly sorry. My first thought when I read this was how where I live one or two of those groups don't really exist. The other ones are why I try to stay off of conventional social media..

Textured Soy Protein > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 22:41

Here in Maryland shit just got real today with the state closing all schools starting Monday. Meanwhile a certain facebook friend of mine who I don’t generally consider all that intelligent anyway, shared the image below with the comment,

“Martial Law coming right up. Except this should say government. And when your government is using scare tactics... that’s called terrorism.”

Kinja'd!!!

I was shocked to see this shit and not having it at all. Several others had already gently corrected him but I went scorched earth. Maybe he’ll unfriend me. Yay?

NO. Get the fuck out of here with this dangerous, irresponsible BULLSHIT. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself for spreading disinformation during a very real global health crisis. COVID-19 is highly contagious, moves through populations at exponential rates, and is 10 times deadlier than the flu. Neither governments nor the media made this shit up. Do us all a favor, delete this post and have your fucking head examined. Don’t be a fucking dumbass.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > BaconSandwich is tasty.
03/12/2020 at 22:47

It’s all the same really...

On the other hand, you can't swallow someone else's aspirated spittle if you've got a mouthful of wine!

someassemblyrequired > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/12/2020 at 22:47

Turns out Rogue was ahead of the curve when they closed the Issaquah Brewhouse last week.

Drank so much of their IPAs in my younger years I can’t stand IPAs anymore...

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Snuze: Needs another Swede
03/13/2020 at 00:16

The hint is I hate people

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > someassemblyrequired
03/13/2020 at 00:18

I took a 4 year break from IPAs but now I’m back on the wagon... But also OFF the... Wagon...

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/13/2020 at 00:51

Oh FFS I just went on FB. appearently Italy is fine and china shut down for a month because this is no big deal

RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/13/2020 at 03:29

I laid in three cases of wine and a couple of bottles of favorite liquors and am feeling well supplied.

superdave847 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/13/2020 at 07:16

I was just there for work. Cloudburst’s taproom was NOT a ghost town. There is hope.

rockingthe2 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/13/2020 at 09:01

Stop flirting with me!

rockingthe2 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/13/2020 at 09:08

Kinja'd!!!

something like this?

Stef Schrader > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
03/15/2020 at 16:12

Good plan, goooood plan.